When the well runs dry
Writing has been a slog for the past couple of weeks.
I was on a tight deadline to review the galleys for Flow*, my upcoming middle grade novel, so most of my focus went there. I was still getting up at 5am to work on my women’s fiction and was completely stalled there. There’s a scene I’ve been trying to fix for four drafts and I can’t find a way to make it work.
I decided to dump it. It was a fun scene to write and there were some necessary character revelations that happened, but I had to let it go. I struggled with how to re-write the scene from a different angle. I made so little progress, and it was frustrating as heck.
But this is how writing goes for me. Bird by Bird**, word by word. Especially when I’m in the later stages of drafting.
I played around with scenarios in my head. I visualized myself in the scene, eavesdropping on the conversation, trying to figure out what is happening. By the time I had to get ready to either go to my day job or shift to working on Flow, I was mentally exhausted. And I’d only added 104 words and still hadn’t fixed the problem.
The past two weeks were tough, professionally. My creative well ran dry. My frustration peaked.
Add to that the fact that I’m heading into month four of looking for a publisher for a young adult novel I wrote last year. I’m patient beyond belief, but I’m hearing that YA is super slow and highly competitive. It’s deflating.
I also saw my first royalty statement for the two months of sales after Shift’s debut, which should be a nice boost, but because I was already in the dumps, it landed in my brain with heartache. My first payday will cover Pho dinner for two. In the traditional publishing world, my publisher gets paid first, then my agent, then me. Looking at the dollars, it’s hard not to feel like a failure.
I was on the pity train for days. This misery filtered into my reading and nothing I started was capturing my interest. I scrolled reels instead. I ate mini eggs. I exercised, pushing myself when all I really wanted to do was, well, nothing.
It was on leg day that I had a breakthrough. My brain and my heart needed a break. I’ve been in this headspace many times before and I always emerge with purpose. I keep going back to my writing because I know I just need one nugget of brilliant prose and the fire will be re-lit.
My compensation is crafting stories, going from zero to 80,000+ words, and doing this thing I love.
I’ll keep writing, I promise.
xo Dana
*As a subscriber, you are the first to see the interior for Flow. You’ll also be notified when pre-orders are open before anyone else.
**Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott is a fantastic book for any writer. Take it easy on yourself, she advises. Tackle the work one small step at a time.
What I’m listening to
Music is a big part of my writing practice; I let YouTube Music select a random playlist as I write. When Benson Boone’s Beautiful Things cued up, I had to stop and look him up. His debut album releases this week (April 5th).
This kid, who started sharing his music on TikTok, is a fantastic vocalist and songwriter, IMO. He soon amassed more than a million followers (now at 6.5M) and was invited to audition for American Idol in 2021. Katie Perry told him he could win the competition, but he quit the show, choosing to focus on his music and not performance.
I’m sharing the links to the track on YT music, to a live performance video on BBC1, and to his American Idol audition (really, it’s worth watching).