Breaking up

I'm cracking up and I'm killing a project

Jul 13, 2025

I am so excited to share that the Canadian Children’s Book Centre (CCBC) named Flow one of the best books for Kids and Teens for Spring 2025! Yeah, my publisher only now decided to share this news with me. 🤷‍♀️ But, hey, I’ll take the kudos. You can find links to buy the book on my website, order a copy from your preferred bookstore, or through the CCBC.

Good morning friend,

I’m pulling the plug.

In last week’s newsletter, I mentioned how much I was struggling with the book I am currently writing - the one I started in May 2024. Day after day, I open my laptop and do something other than write this book.

I couldn't understand why I was having so much trouble, so I did what any sensible person does: I went to Threads to ask the writing community if it’s time to abandon the project. 😎

Most of the replies advised me to let it go for now and maybe come back to it one day in the future. One author referred to my struggle as the dark night of the soul, a call out to a writing beat from Save the Cat Writes a Novel. This beat happens about 75-80% into the novel where the hero wallows in sadness, mourning what was lost and lamenting that they are now worse off than before the story began. In Katya Noskov’s Last Shot, her dark night of the soul hits at chapter 40. For me, this started happening after we came back from Japan. I can’t seem to shake myself back into my morning writing routine.

So I've decided to put the novel away and let the 200 pages I've written collect dust for a while. There's a new project whispering in my ear and I want to explore that.

I think a lot more is going on than just me losing interest in the story I’ve crafted. I’m restless, looking for ways to fill my days. It’s summer, and I want to be outside. This is usually the time when I get to discover new things with my sons, but they are both working part-time jobs, or hanging out with their own friends, or taking uni summer courses. There is not a lot of time for mom. Jeff and I are experiencing a bit of empty nesting and maybe subconsciously, that is affecting my creativity as well.

I feel so damn scattered.

And it’s pissing me off.

I’m so distracted, I’m beginning to think I really do have ADHD. I make to-do lists to get me focussed for the day, but stop to put my pen behind my ear and create graphics on Canva. While I’m reading one of the many books I’ve just picked up from the library, I pop onto to Libby to see what’s available for skip-the-line loans and borrow an e-book that I now have to finish in 7 days. I start writing this newsletter and find myself shopping for daily deals on Kobo.

What the hell happened to me? I used to be so zoned into my job, my tasks, my writing. I remember sitting at my desk for hours as a kid, diligently doing my homework. Yeah, for hours, because school was like that back in the 80s. In my retail days, I could plan product placement and merchandising with such intensity that I didn’t notice six hours had passed. I used to be able to sit down with my laptop at 5AM and write for a few hours.

Ugh. Where did that woman go? I am so frustrated all the time. Is this a result of post menopausal hormone shifts? Is this something that happens as we age? Have I taxed my brain too much?

I have no answer, but I think a reset is required. Starting tomorrow.

Today, I am going to start re-reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic. I don’t ever re-read books; there are too many new books I want to explore. Big Magic lit a spark in me when I first read it, just before I published my first book. At the time, I wasn’t yet calling myself an author. I’ll report back next week to let you know what, if anything, changed for me.

But something needs to change. I need to break up with the book project. I'm cracking up from the inside and I can feel the shards of glass scattered around me. It’s weird and I don’t like it. I can assure you my mental health is fine, I’m just skittish, like a rabbit who can smell the danger, but won’t leap away until the last minute. My last minute is now.

Sorry to be such a downer, but that’s how this newsletter rolls. I promise happier words next week.

xo Dana

What I’m reading

I just finished reading Men Who Hate Women by Laura Bates. It was such a disturbing read, I had to take long breaks between chapters. I cannot recommend this book enough, but it’s definitely an “approach with caution” read.

Since I was already in an altered mental state, I dove right into What My Bones Know, a memoir by Stephanie Foo. She suffers from complex PTSD, and as someone who was raised by a narcissistic, emotionally abusive mother, I was keenly interested in this topic. I can confirm I don’t have C-PTSD, but I felt connected to Foo’s experience with conditional love and abandonment issues. Another tough read, but I keep turning the pages.